Law in lawless universe
by 1chucha2
Summary: There is marriage law. But not all wizards are just going to let it be. Salazar and Godric visit minister. BTW-I dont owe Harry POtter


First-My native language is not english so this fic wont be that great as it could be if I was better at english. If it could be better. So sorry if there are (and there are) mistakes.

Second-I read a lot of fics about marriage law and it started to get anoying. It was like nobody really cared about being forced into it, except for Hermione and sometimes Harry. So I was thinking and thinking, and believe me, it hurt. What you have to know is Salazar S. and Godrik G. are indeed alive and not happy about marriage law at all. Other shall be explained later.

Third- this is fifth book… Why? Voldy needed to live and I highly dislike book number six.

Wizarding word, or if we want to speak more exactly, Fudge- current minister of magik was proud to say that new marriage law was a huge success. Except for few annoying cases, nobody dared to say anything againts it. To make this day even better, his favourite person at the moment, Dolores Umbridge, assured him that she had everything under control. Yes, life was good.

„Minister! We have problems" Fudge glared at the intruder, whose name he never bothered to learn.

„What problems? Did Potter hallucinated again? Just write some article…"

„No no. With marriage law. Remember house Somewhere 01?" Fudge nodded. Two men lived in the house Somewhere 01. Both unmarried of course and what was worse, not responding to any letters about marriage. They and Severus Snape were the worst cases.

„What about them?"

„Well, we send some wizards to take them to the ministry, but they basically ran from there! With hallucinations!"

„What hallucinations?"

Man whose name Fudge never bothered to learn deeply inhaled „They saw werewolf I middle of day playing with Bengal tiger." After some time, when minister preceded new information he send wizards to hospital and personally started to write letter to Somewhere 01. Yes, and he had to drag Snape to the ministry too. That man just had to get married!

……….ho ho ho …………… ho ho ho…………… ho ho ho…………

Salazar Slitherin was patient man. He liked snakes, werewolves and quiet. Somethimes, when he had time, you could find him just lying around watching Godrik's aligators tear apart meat or laugthing maniacally when cooking something that was once alive. Yes, he was quite normal.

After living with Godric Griffindor for more than 1 000 years nearly nothing could get him mad. He had seen it all. Some may ask, how come he and Godric still lived? Well answer was quite easy. One day he was just mixing potions around, only to see what will happen when Godric decided to visit riding broom and knock all vials down. They both ended very much swimming in mixture potions. At first it looked like nothing happened, but when Rowena died of old age and they still looked young something started to tell him, it is not all rght.

Currently was Salazar contently watchng his werevolf, who was once a man verry willing to try his new potion play with Godric Tiger. What a cute couple they made. Always fighting.

Salazar's easy and nice afternoon would continue if, suddenly, owl didn't drop a letter on his head.

„This time from minister personally?" Salazar, nor Godric, who was currently on adventure to African shaman never actually read these letters, as they didn't feel like part of magik society. But, this one was from minister personaly….

Salazar opened letter. And saw red

……… ho ho ho………. H ho ho……… ho ho ho……….ho ho ho …….

Godric watched shaman dance around prepared to fight unseen ghost. Even if Godric couldn't see them, he certainly could try to fight them. Even if half of muggle society told him that shaman is just senile.

His dragon was in Romania flirting with other dragons, so Godric didn't really worry. His life couldn't get any better. Just worse and worse did it get once he read sms on his phone. Short as all messages that Salazar writes

Minister wants us to marry. Gonna kill him SS

Godric looked at shaman and then at mobile. Should he fight evil spirits or try to save some minister who wants to marry him…. Hard choice… Oh well I was getting bored anyway. With that Godric disappeared leaving jumping shaman behind shouting about ghost and red clothed men.

….. ho ho ho………. Ho ho ho ………… ho ho ho ………..ho ho ho

Fudge didn't know how lucky he got when he left for Hogwarts. Salazar appeared in ministry only moments after. Power of his personality and anger made people run from his was really quickly. When he reached minister's office the building was practically half empty.

„Pudge? Where is he?" Secretary nearly fallen from the chair..

„ho-ho-hogwarts" Salazar left and secretary fainted

……ho ho ho ……… ho ho ho -…….. ho ho ho…….. ho ho oh……..

Gondric saw his good friend breaking drastically throuhģht wards at ministry, but before he could disappear completely Godric jumped and caught his leg. Then they broke wards of Hogwarts.

……ho ho ho ………………….ho ho ho ……………… ho ho ho

Dumbledore sometimes wished to retire. Minister Fudge barged into great hall with big effect and demanded Severus to marry in two days. Reaction he got wasn't really pleasant. Bickering would continue if suddenly wards of school didn't breake.

Two men. One with really long black hair and silver eyes standing with bad boy expression on his face and the second, on the floor with blond hair and really big blue eyes looking triumphant.

Everybody in the Hall fell silent. Something like this never happened before. Dumbledore was prepared to star asking questions, when black haired man spoke… or better said shouted, his way

„Santa! Where is Pudge?"

„Santa? Santa? Do you know who are you talking with?!" Good old Severus, always prepared to argue for Albus's good

„Do I look like I am talking with you Grinch? No I don't. So step aside and let me talk to Santa or that goblin helper of his over there!" Albus didn't know if he should be amused when Professor Flitvick gave squeal.

„Or you know what? I will find Pudge myself. Pudge you little shit where are you? Show yourself to uncle Salazar"

Blond man stood up and with unbelievably big smile looked around. Then he clapped and ran toward Albus

„Santa? Is that really you?! I knew you exist! Even f Salazar told me you are just some muggle advertisement man!" Then he proceeded to give Albus tips for gifts for children, Meanwhile Salazar found Fudge.

„Pudge! You shall take this back and stop this whole nonsense, or.." maniacal glint in eyes „Muhahahaha oh there are so many things your organs can be used for." All Aurors who wanted to help minister were knocked out. Nobody in the great hall knew how that happened.

„No! Our society must preserve! Children.." Too bad Salazar wasn't listening. Too busy listing all ways of getting organs out of body without piercing skin.

„Minister. I will not marry!" Fudge looked at Snape face reddening

„You will listed to me! You all will marry!" Salazar looked at Godric who suddenly stopped telling Dumbledore about faster was to travel when distributing gifts.

„My mother was last who told me to marry… This unyoungfull and umbrave thinking must be punished!" As he started to ran towards minister he managed knock Umbridge into soup, but nobody really cared about her anyway.

„Uaaaaa!" With battlercry he leaped at minister.

„Go Godric! Get him! Where is popcorn when you need it? Don't you have some mummy?" Albus noted how insulted Minerva looked. Then big yelling reached is eyes.

„Albus? Is that tiger and werewolf coming into great hall?"

„So it seems" Madam Hooch joined aurors on the floor.

„Šiva! And Ligar too!" Salazar hugged werewolf who started to whack hi tail furiously in happiness

„Did you miss me? You are such a good werewolf."

Slitherin part of student left great hall first, escaping successfully. Second were Huffelpuffs, and, even if Rarvenclaws were dieing out of curiosity, they didn't want to die for real. When werewolf and tiger came, only few brave Griffindors stayed behind. And Luna.

„Headmaster Dumbledore! Aurors are just knocked out right?" Brave griffindor alias Potter Harry asked, looking warily at the man hugging werewolf

„So it seems" Second brave griffindor alias Hermione Granger looked at tiger with awe in their eyes

„Is it white Bengal tiger?"

„So it seems" Last brave griffindor with name Ronald Weasley looked at Fudge, rapidly changing colors

„Will he die?"

„So it seems" Luna looked at the picture and hummed to herself

„Is Godric Griffindor really in great hall throttling minister of magic? And Salazar Slintherin eating popcorn with werewolf on griffindor table?"

„So it seems" Luna looked at Albus with dreamy eyes.

„You are really useless."

„So it seems"

……… ho ho ho …… ho ho ho………… ho ho ho……… ho hoh ho

Luna Pov

„Mister Griffindor could you let of minister?" Godric stared at Luna for a while and then slowly let go minister's neck. Salazar sighed in disappoiment.

„Minister? This is Godric Griffindor and over there is Salazar Slitherin. Werewolf is Šiva and tiger's name is Ligar. Say nice to meet you"

Nobody reacted. „How? How can you be so calm?" Luna looked straight at the minster

„Why should I be not?" It took few minutes for minister to find right words

„There is werewolf in daylight eating popcorn wit Salazar SLITHERIN personally! And Godrik GRIFFINDOR is ppetting bengal tiger after nearly killing me!"

„I don't see anything out of ordinary" Everybody was stunned. Except for Luna and two founders of Hogwarts

„You are Salazar Slitherin? One that wanted all muggleborn to die? Ancensor of Voldemort?" brave Griffindor one Harry Potter was prepared to fight epic battle.

„I certainly am not! Ancensor of Voldemort! Don't make me laugh! You really think It is even possible to have children with owl?"

„He?" Was reaction of all present

„It is indeed disgusting. Poor Voldemort, if he heard it" Godric petted head of his tiger while moving closer to Salazar. Who answered

„Do you mean Voldemort XXIII or Voldemort XXIV?"

„Voldemort XXIII is still alive? Haven't seen him around" Salazar opened his mouth to argue but then he thought a little about it

„When you talk about it we better check. Maybe wolf ate him. Like his ac censor Voldemort XX."

„Wait wait wait! What?? You-know-who XXIII? What?"

Godric looked at Ron with question in his eyes

„I don't. Who?"

„Maybe he is talking about your girlfriend" Gondric waved his hand in dismissing motion at Salazar

„I don't even remember such a low number, Now I am at number 2224"

„Oh"

:I don't mean girlfriends! I mean You know who!"

„Debt collectors?!"

„No!"

„He means Voldemort!" Harry Potter decided to stop Ron's torture

„My owl?" Then gawked at Salazar

„Owl? You named your owl Voldemort?"

„Actually, it is already Voldemort XXIV. Somehow, always when Godric gets me an owl, I just cant think of any other names"

„But naming owl after one of most evil wizards alive?" Salazar stopped ppetting his wolf

„How old is he?"

„Less than 100"

„Then he is named after my owl. First owl Voldemort was few hundred ago!" Harry Potter was speechless.

Luna cleared her throat. „Fudge is running" And it was true. When Harry Potter and the others were distracting two founders great minister himself trued to escape. But thanks to Luna he soon found himself face to face with werewolf

„You know what! Marriage law is cancelled! I chancel it" He too guil and pergamen and started to write to his secretary.

„Here! All signet we just have to deliver it!" Godrik's face brightened.

„We can use Voldemort XXIV!"

„NO! he he he. No no. I will take it to the ministry, personally. See personally" And he ran

„Hope he wont get scared of Chiquita. I told her to wait outside" Salazar jumped from table and started walking to exid

„Don't worry Godric. Who would be afraid of dragon!"

„AAAAAAAAH!"

„See! He is even trying to communicate with her in dragon language" And then they left

…………… ho ho ho…………. Ho ho ho………… ho ho ho……ho ho ho

Life in Hogwarts was never the same. News about owl Voldemort travelled quickly and nobody was quite sure what to believe.

Politicians elected new minister of magic, as the old one mysteriously disappeared. Umbridge left Hogwarts, as she didn't have support of the ministry anymore.

And Salazar, Godric and Severus were never bothered about marriage law anymore. It was cancelled anyway. Owl Voldemort managed to snatch letter of Minister Fudge just before he mysteriously disappeared.

All in all life is good


End file.
